What a drag it is getting old.

136.4. That’s down a half a pound since yesterday, and a whole pound since last Monday,  but it doesn’t feel that great. I was good on Thursday when I was 135. Then I felt like I had gotten somewhere. That was 5 whole pounds less than when I started. That feels like something. But 3.5 in 7 weeks? I guess overall that’s a half a pound a week, but that’s nowhere near the 2 lbs I had hoped for. And it’s nothing considering the amount of effort I am making. All this work for that? Still super disappointing, especially when that means it would take me over a year of doing this to get where I want to be. OVER A YEAR. Of hardly eating anything, being hungry all the time, and all this exercise. That’s super depressing.

And this avoiding sodium thing is a full time job, AND it’s not really working. I went over my allowance yesterday partly because I ate TWO WHOLE SLICES or ORGANIC bacon, but mostly because I made some really superass fucking healthy vegetarian soft tacos and a fucking flour tortilla has 360mg of sodium in it. WTF????

Could we PLEASE stop putting salt IN all the food so that I can go back to putting salt ON the food? Fuck. And that supposedly super sodium laden dinner? Was fucking bland like crazy. But I was so fucking hungry I HAD to have two soft tacos. I’m gonna go nuts in about another week, and dump a pound of salt on something. I can take the suffering, if it’s really helping, which I felt like it was, but now? I’m just depressed.

135.6, so almost half a pound less than yesterday, which is good considering I went a whole 350 calories over my budget for the day!!! BF 33.8, so that’s down also. And even though I’ve gone back up a little here and there for a day, I’ve gone back down pretty quick too, and am now at a net loss of 3.4 pounds since last Saturday. So that’s pretty good. As long as I don’t blow it by Monday SD weigh in!

Kinda took it easy at the gym today. Only 28 minutes, and less calories, etc. than usual.

136 today. It’s really disappointing to see that number go up today, even if it’s by less than a pound, and even the BF is down from yesterday (34.6).
Right, it’s that whole muscle building thing. I just feel pretty weak at this point. By the time I got home from work yesterday, I was weak and exhausted. Couldn’t concentrate, clumsy. Slept REALLY well last night, but woke up feeling weak and tired.

I was really hungry yesterday, too. We made salads that were full plate size for dinner. Not the 9″ plates either, but big plates.

Yeah, I guess that’s it.

Oh yeah. Gym this morning. 299 calories, 2.75 miles. If those machines are at all accurate, my heart rate was higher than normal. I don’t know if that’s good, bad or indifferent. Or like I said, even accurate.

135.2. That’s down another lb since yesterday. BF still hanging out a35.1, but I guess that makes sense since it is a percentage of my total weight.

Did not go to the gym today, I don’t think I’ve been on a Thursday at all. Too stressful today, even though I slept really well last night. I have no idea what I’m going to eat today, as I felt really deprived yesterday. I think my iphone app showed me at just under 1200 calories. My sodium is way low, at 1435 or something. We had pork chops for dinner last night and I only ate a very small portion of it, as pork really does need salt to taste like pork. Without it, it just tastes like a hunk.

I didn’t feel too shitty about feeling deprived yesterday though. I finally fixed my photo gallery and as I was browsing through some photos, I found this:

That’s me in the background. At that time, even though I weighed a lot less than I do now, I never thought I had really achieved slender, boyish hips. Which was all I really wanted. I thought I still had this curvy, saddlebaggy shape. I was pretty shocked when I saw me there, and I really do look great. So I feel really inspired by that. I can look like that again. Now I only have about 25 pounds to go.

P.S.

I put on my size 6 Luckys today, and they actually feel like they fit comfortably. I actually feel like my waist is a bit smaller. So I guess this low sodium thing will be good for weight loss, if only because I can’t eat crackers and stuff anymore.

136.2 (up .2), 35.2 (up 2.3 WTF???). No gym today, didn’t sleep well last night, etc, etc, blah, blah.

Stopped at FM after yoga to use Blood Pressure machine. 131 over 81. I see that you are supposed to be under 120 and under 80. So, is that really that bad? I thought it was the second number that really mattered.

They had Luna bars on sale. Picked up a white chocolate macadamia bar. I love Luna bars, and this flavor sounded especially good. Not only is it 190 calories for that little thing, but it has 160mg of sodium. WTF? I can’t fucking eat anything.
What constitutes processed cheese anyway? Isn’t ALL cheese processed? Because I just ate some cottage cheese.

Okay, so I guess regular old cheese is fine, but no cottage cheese and definitely American cheese or anything  like that. Thank Bob I can eat regular sliced swiss, provolone, etc. That may save my life.

ETA later:

Food without salt tastes like shit. Trying to add more of another seasoning or substitute something else entirely tastes like nothing more than a mistake.

But I’m down to 136 today. That’s 1.8 less than yesterday, 3 lbs less than 8 days ago. Which is great, but you know what they say – if it’s too good to be true, it is. Supposedly 32.9 BF, which is way lower than yesterday as well.

But, like I said yesterday, I’ve definitely got to lose weight if I subtract 27 more things off my list of things I can eat. I’m not even worried about counting calories (only supposed to have about 1200/day) because once you’ve sucked all the fun out of eating, I have to wonder if I can even get to 1200 calories, as I am pretty sure that’s about where I was anyway.

So now I’m just going to keep track of the sodium. So one piece of toast (in Apple Danish bread – a sweet breakfast bread!) has 160 mg of sodium. I don’t think the sodium will be too much of a problem, I’m just supposed to be under 2000 mg a day. I did a rough estimate of my sodium yesterday (which included several badbadbadnono items) and I was just barely over.

I think I also forgot to mention that when I was in the doctor’s office and I asked her how much I should weigh, she told me 125-130. WHAT?!?
When I expressed disbelief, she seemed to think that I thought that was way too low??? Then I reminded her that I had told her that I’ve gained THIRTY POUNDS, and she was like well, you know, it’s not like you’re small boned. Then I was like, “HUH??!?” and she pointed out that my wrists (my bony, birdy, flimsy, insubstantial, insufficient wrists that I have always hated for being so LAME) were “medium sized. I was like, “WHAT??!?” and then she compared them to HERS. This woman looks like she would break if you looked at her too long. She’s not small. She’s XTRA SMALL.
But WHATEVER. So I only NEED to lose about 6-11 more pounds. I’m still aiming to hit at least 118, which is 18 more pounds.

Shit. Gotta go to yoga.

Follow up with naturopath:

Good news – Apparently, I am the healthiest person ever. I am slightly anemic, but barely enough to matter, although recommended that I start taking iron. All other vitamin levels normal (although slightly deficient in Vitamin D2, but already taking vitamins for that), glucose = good, and liver and kidney functions are excellent.

My cholesterol is excellent – I have way more of the good cholesterol than what is considered “ideal” and way less of the bad. Beyond that, she said it’s ideal for your good to bad ratio be 2:1, and mine is almost 1:1. I guess it doesn’t get much better than that.

Bad news – thyroid levels are normal. I know that is supposed to be good news, but not so much for me under the circumstances. However, more good news is that she is having me get a more extensive test, as she did say I have a lot of symptoms of hypothyroid. So that’s good. Test and follow up in another 4 weeks, along with my annual, yaaaaaaay.
Other bad news – my blood pressure is still high. So I’m supposed to cut down on sodium. SIGH. I need to look into other causes of high blood pressure. My mom has it too, so…

In the meantime, I’m supposed to get less than 2000mg of sodium per day.
That means I’m not supposed to have BACON (WTF???NONONONONO) lunch meat, or sausage (SIGH), canned tuna, corned beef, or processed cheese. No potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, salted nuts or party dips (haven’t really had any of those for a while unless those brown rice chips count, and I’m sure they do) or salted crackers, MY ONE REMAINING SALTY VICE. FUCK.
No canned tomatoes, tomato paste, sauce or juice, olives, pickles or relish. JEEBUS.
No garlic or onion salt, steak sauce, chili sauce, soy sauce, BBQ sauce, SALAD DRESSING, ketchup, or PREPARED MUSTARD. Fuck me running sideways, no MUSTARD???!? How the fuck am I supposed to eat salad with no fucking dressing?
Oh, and no restaurant food, either.

This is just the foods that I would eat off of the list. There are more. How restrictive can you get? I’m going to go nuts.

Off to research other causes of high blood pressure. I’m pretty sure that being told I can’t have fucking anything is making it go through the roof right now.

Today I am at 137.8, which is a total loss of 1.2 lbs. Of course, the crazy body fat say 34.9, which is only .2 less. I don’t know if I just don’t understand how to interpret it, or if it really just is that inaccurate.

I did not go to the gym yesterday as originally planned (or bother weighing myself, for that matter) but I did do yardwork for something like 4 hours. Lots of weeding, some pruning, planted some seeds, moved some bricks, did some cleanup, etc.

Today, I have my follow up with the ND, finally. I am already cringing. She makes me really nervous after I spent so much time trying to let her in on what’s going on with me, and then kind of all I got was “exercise”. So, we’ll see. I mean, I’m sure I’ll have today’s visit, which is sure to be unenlightening, and then maybe an annual soon, and that’ll probably be the end of that for a long while. Maybe I’ll take Sage for his school sports physical at the beginning of next year.

Going to yoga after the ND. Maybe grocery shopping after that. Gotta come home and do something about my ratty hair. I guess I could do that tomorrow morning if not today. This is my life. It’s all maintenance these days.

139. BF = 33.8.

35 minutes elliptical – 311 calories, 2.81 miles?

So, as far as I know, I’ve only lost one pound in something like 6 weeks. But supposedly, I’ve lost almost 2% body fat in just 2.

I suppose that would be great, but I still don’t think I’ve got any smaller (which is the point!) and seriously, how long could this go on? If it’s the whole replacing fat with muscle thing? I’m a very small person. How much muscle could I possibly build? Jeebus.

Sigh. If I go tomorrow, I’m going to try to go for an hour. Yoga on Monday AFTER follow up with ND at 10:30. See how that stacks up to the Pilates. I doubt it will be challenging enough compared to the Tuesday class.