Archive for the ‘Daily’ Category

More normal.

I weighed in at 130.6 yesterday, which felt like a big deal. Like, finally, ten lbs, gone. I’m back up over a lb today, but the fluctuations are bothering me a lot less now that I’m making progress and I feel very confident since getting the workout equipment at home.

Yesterday, looking in the mirror, I definitely felt more normal than I have in a long time. My stomach really did seem flatter, and my butt didn’t seem to stick out so far, even though, by the measurements, that hasn’t shrunk nearly as much as my waist.

I used to think (probably because I’d always had a small waistline, even with my big other parts) that I wouldn’t mind a larger wasit so much, if only the rest was smaller. Now I know better.

Today looking in the mirror, I even noticed a difference in the shape of my calves, which I’ve never noticed before. A subtle difference, but a difference. Alex noticed it the other day and I didn’t believe him. My thigh muscles have always had some definition, but it seems to extend farther now, and those saddlebags look even more like they are just hanging there, not really a part of me.

I was thinking today about how different things were when I was a kid. Everyone talks about how we didn’t have all this kid’s programming for tv (true) and how we rode our bikes and played outside a lot more (also true) but even the FOOD was different. I don’t remember eating a LOT of fresh produce. Some – raw carrots, which I loved – and “Red Delicious” apples – which I did NOT love (how were those ever called delicious??) – but I feel like more of it was frozen. Which isn’t bad necessarily, just different, although I still use plenty of frozen vegetables now.

But you know, meat was different too. I didn’t like steaks, because it was a big piece of tough, flavorless meat. maybe my mom just didn’t know how to cook them, or maybe it was just that we couldn’t afford any decent cuts. But I know that hamburger was hamburger. There were no choices for how lean it was. Lunchmeat was a stack of round slices of Oscar Meyer Bologna. Cheese was cheddar or American. Period.

At the same time, convenience foods were becoming big. The only fish we ever had was frozen, breaded. We had a lot of tv dinners in those days. Pop tarts were a big deal. That was all in the 70′s. In the 80′s it was Buddig sliced lunch meat, paper thin, you’d eat it straight out of the package. Lean Cuisine started making frozen meals, too. That may have been when Hot Pockets came out, there was a soda explosion (many new diet flavors/brands, New Coke, Jolt) and it became the norm to buy packaged cookies and donuts. And, you know, we really had no idea how bad for you those things were.

My child’s instincts may have known though. I was a weird kid, a picky eater. I didn’t like milk, which was attributed to me having drunk some that had spoiled. But I also didn’t like cheese, and cheese puffs were especially vile. I hated eggs. I didn’t like fish. How could I? The only thing I’d ever had was a fish stick. What really drove people nuts was that I didn’t like pizza. But the only kind I had until I was 10 or so was Pizza Hut. Then we moved to a little town with a local pizza joint which had arcade games and we would go there all the time and I would eat the pizza, which was about a million times better than Pizza Hut. Oh, and those frozen dinners? The only thing they were good for was the dessert, even though it was usually a gross combo of burnt and still frozen. They almost always came with mashed potatoes, which were probably more like instant potatoes (gross) and I don’t think I realized that mashed potatoes could be good until I was a teenager. The meals always had “mixed vegetables” which were wan and flavorless and included lima beans. Yuck. (But probably the only veggie I was served that I didn’t like!) And the fried chicken was a crapshoot. Sometimes it was fine, but other times the breading would be weird and bad and mushy, maybe even spoiled for all I know. Just terrible though.

My dad always yelled at me, why wouldn’t I just eat like a normal kid??? Ironically, it was sometime after he and my mom  separated that I did start to eat more like a normal kid. I think after he was gone, we stopped eating the frozen meals, and fish sticks and big tough steaks, and my mom started cooking more, and more interesting (and edible to me) things. I was still picky-ish, but I was pretty normal at that point.

But at my dad’s house there were still the frozen meals, although the 80′s really upped the bar with the Lean Cuisines and whatnot. But then there were the sodas, and the chips and the ice cream and the packaged donuts over there.

Sometimes, I wish I had stayed picky. I mean, I’ve never liked milk, or learned to like lima beans, like some of the other vegetables that I discovered later (avocados, artichokes) that I learned to like, and I still don’t eat pizza. Some of it tastes good, but all of it makes me feel terrible. I did learn to love cheese, which is great, cheese is amazing, and not completely bad for you (especially since I rarely eat cheddar, and never American) but, I’m sure I’d be better off without it. Now that i know that good steaks exist, I love them, and for that I am glad, because I am sure the ones I eat now are much better for me.

Anyway, these days, we have access to tons of convenience foods, but at least most of us realize that they are not good for you, and should only be used in moderation. But what is really great is the wide variety of healthy foods we have, without even getting into the organic argument. So many people now are down on anything that isn’t organic, or even that comes from a big corporate supermarket. But when I think back to what we had 30 years ago, I’m grateful, and I just try to make wise choices when shopping.

Like a frickin’ yo-yo.

Up and down, up and down. Maybe more like a roller coaster.

Went from 138.2 on Tuesday to 137.8 one Wednesday (down!) all the way back up to 139 on Thursday. WTF.
And now today back down, all the way to 136.6 for my lowest weight in about 10 days, and 2.4 less than yesterday.
Crazy.
No gym today, super busy with new projects. We’ll see what that does for me. Perhaps something new will help my stress level a bit.

RUN

138.6 yesterday, I even went to the gym. I forgot to post that, so I thought I’d do it early this morning. Really frustrated about all of this.
Going to try going running – outside – today, as opposed to gym, as I have massage right next to gym later and I don’t want to go over there twice, or be there for hours, etc. Anyway, Emily loves it, and since I haven’t had any joint pain in a while… and what better time to potentially cause yourself pain than on a day when you’re gonna get a massage?

This not losing weight thing, SUCKS though. I don’t know what to do anymore. More later after the running.

138.2 today.

The running was okay, although I didn’t get far. 1/4 mile, I’d guess, but maybe it was more. I was gone for ten minutes. I used to do a 7 minute mile, but of course, I was walking a bunch today, so? At least I didn’t feel terrible later.

Got a massage this afternoon – normally $80, I got it for $20+tip. The best I’d be able to do in the future at this place would be $50 + tip, so about $65. It was good, but not sure it was that good?

Eggzackly

Back to 137 today. I guess that’s good, I just don’t get it. I don’t ever do anything any differently from one day to the next.

Actually did get up and go to the gym this morning. Yaaaaaaaay.

Came home and made myself breakfast. I never make myself breakfast. Honestly, most breakfast is kinda gross. Today though, I had kind of a craving for egg, some sort of egg sandwich, but with ham and cheese. So I made one. Ew. It just reminded me that that is just not for me.

Another day…

Another pound. 138.2

Didn’t really do anything different or unusual. Not binge eating, unless I’m sleep eating or something. No, I did not go to the gym today, I can go tomorrow when i have the extra hour, and maybe Sunday as well. Monday morning, earlier, so I can go to the movies at 11.

That’ll be three days in a  row (and I know that’s not necessarily how you’re supposed to do it, but you take it where you can get it), I didn’t think I needed to make it 4. And you know,  I feel good today. Rested, no pains anywhere. This whole thing is getting really ridiculous.

More confusion.

Weighed 132.4 yesterday, which is a huge improvement. That’s 7.5lbs total, and something like 4 just this last week.

Been feeling better since I switched to a more “normal” diet, and felt pretty good when I woke up this morning, but terrible as soon as I got onto the eilliptical, which is strange, since I was on for 45 minutes on Sunday with no problem. It didn’t help today that this guy got on the one next to me and was doing these crazy sprints (I sprint too, but this was CUH-RAZEE) and then there was this terrible farty/poopy smell which did not go away. Only stayed on for 26 minutes this morning before I couldn’t take it anymore.

Also, I now feel terrible, still. Maybe because I just weighed myself and today I am 136? I mean, I know that’s more realistic than yesterday, but still, could my scale have been that off yesterday? I also have heard you can gain or lose as much as four lbs per day, but how? I’ve already determine that I don’t seem to retain water that much with the low sodium diet, so???

This week.

Still holding steady at 137, even though I haven’t been to the gym since Tuesday yoga. Was going to go yesterday and today, too tired both mornings. Now that I got the extra sleep though, today I feel better than I have in weeks. Hopefully, I will go tomorrow.

Because it is somewhat related – a rant.

I’ve come to accept that jean sizes vary vastly from one brand to another. Fine. Why can they not be consistent within a single brand?

This morning, I attempted to put on a pair of size 6 Luckys. Nope. I also have a pair of size 10 that I’d gotten because they didn’t have 8. Those are way too big. Last night at a yard sale, I found a pair of 8s. Surely they’d be perfect! Nope. Maybe if they were normal pants, but the rise was so low, I have to wonder if they were for a child. After scrounging around a bit, I found my other pair of size 6 Luckys. Unlike the first pair, these fit almost perfectly.

WTF.

Holding Steady.

136.6 again today. I guess that’s good.

Fell asleep on the couch last night at something like 9:30. Not good. Oh well. I got a lot of sleep, maybe 11 hours.

Went to yoga today. Overall, it was good, although I fell out of way more poses than usual, and had a lot of different discomforts. Still really flexible though, maybe even moreso than before.

ND has me keeping a “pain journal” into which I have also documented things such as falling asleep at 9:30.

It’s a huge relief to be back to eating more or less normally. I’m probably kind of “binging” right now, and by binging I mean taking full advantage of that extra 300 calories. Go me.

Improvement.

136.6 today,  which means I’m down over a pound for the week, steadily.

Had my follow-up with ND today. Nothing at all wrong with my thyroid, and she sympathized that it must be really hard to continue “hanging on to weight” when my diet is so clean.
I’ve been okayed to be less strict about sodium – avoid the really bad ones like canned soup and other canned foods, but that’s it.
I am also ok’d to increase my calories to “at least 1500″, which is the best news ever. These days, I can do so much with 300 extra calories, and I have high hopes for returning to feeling more normal.

BP is about the same.

I still have yet another follow up in another month to see  how I do with this latest set of adjustments and she said we’d talk about homeopathics. She mentioned maybe doing some sort of panel to see if I have some sort of arthritis also.

Overall, feeling much better about this visit than any other so far.

No gym today for various reasons, maybe yoga tomorrow.

Sameness.

136.8 today, 136 yesterday, but today is the same as Thursday. I guess a fluctuation of less then a pound over a few days is good news, and I’m still a pound under what I was Monday.

Gym this morning, 33 minutes, 295 calories, 2.67 miles. Average HR 132?

Still eating more “normally” although I’m still REALLY close to my caloric “budget” and way under my max sodium limit, but I feel pretty good today, so I think easing off a little was the way to go.

No gym until Tuesday I think. Follow up at ND on Monday.

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What a drag it is getting old.

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